Archive: November 10, 2010
I am sitting on my white mid-century couch. I recognize that is a pretty pretentious opening line but I do love my floating couch. I’ve never seen one like it. I love the wine colored painting of a flamenco dancer on my wall, the teal and black hutch I finished painting last week before band practice, and the picture of my parents staring longingly into each other’s eyes (the first flush of love, the future stretching out before my father, my mom basking in the glow of his adoration) which hovers above the hutch.
What is it about the glow of a candle that calls me deeply to see what is truly there? What is it about fire that brings my thoughts nearer to the front. I feel more still, more hopeful, and more ready to listen.
As I sit and think about the many things that stretch in front of me, and think about how tired I still am from this weekend, I am particularly keen to the darkness that surrounds these situations. The future is coming quickly but I don’t have vision for it. There are people I desire to be in closer relationship with and I have decided to get over my own insecurities and pursue those relationships while I still have the chance. There are people I desire to be in closer relationship with, but now is not the right time for all of that and may never be.
There are tours to organize and an album to record and change and change and change and change.
The good news is that I have stopped gritting my teeth. I think I let myself do it with free abandon and stopped trying to restrict it and the moment I let go, my body stopped rebelling. My teeth aren’t even sharp anymore 🙂 This is good news.
Anyway – I am going to find my pad of paper and an ink pen. To indulge in more private thoughts. And so I turn of this dim light of a flickering blog entry and leave you to the darkness until tomorrow. (Nice eh? See the way I wrapped that up?!)