Archive: October 28, 2010
I got a fun link on my Facebook page today from an old friend:
and it happened just when I needed it. As it always does. Daniel, of the band Millbrook contacted me today to let me know that there was a video floating around for the making of this song “Meet Me In the Fields.”
And probably rightfully so, I have a much stronger connection to this song than I think most people who have heard it. To the point that I will find my self a sniffily mess when I listen to it. “That’s what you’re meant for so craft your metaphor and meet me in the fields.” It’s the kind of encouraging note that I want to have around me all the time. I have a lot of the notes that I’ve gotten from fans over the years hanging from my refrigerator or flagged in my inbox. Not because I need to inflate my ego – but because my sense of artistic self is so easily deflated that I need those encouraging notes around me to let me know that what I’m doing has real meaning in people’s lives.
I remember the day that Jacob and I met. I know that I threw my back out that day while I was reaching for a pillow at 10 a.m. in San Diego. I know that I was laying on the ground laughing and wondering if I would be able to get up in time for me to get to that show. I know that Rheanna Downey and her new husband Jesse walked in to see me writhing in pain on the floor and then rushed me to a chiropractor where I had my first electro-shock treatment. And I remember clearly that when Josh Dooley of Map drove up to The Hub (which was attached to The Regan Years (which for years had been my favorite arcade because I could play Return of the Jedi the arcade game over and over again) that I slid across the hood of his new black truck and was actually truly mindful about not letting the rivets on my red pants rub up against the hood so that it didn’t hurt the paint job of his new car.
I remember Milbrook playing and LOVING it. And I remember myself playing and wondering if anybody cared and then having this really nice conversation with Daniel and his other band members. I also remember thinking that they were really nice but were probably only just being encouraging but didn’t like me very much. I remember going on this tour and loving in and it being really surreal. I remember coming home and someone being really mean to me. And I remember getting this email from Jacob with these song lyrics: how obvious it was that he was just being encouraging and not hitting on me. And I remember crying in front of the computer screen because I really needed to be encouraged that day.
When I write these words I am not at all trying to be self serving. I know how special it is to have a song as beautiful as this one actually be written about you. And there are not words for me to describe how encouraging it is. And that I have to let it be encouraging.
I think we so often isolate events that once meant a lot to us so that they no longer speak to us anymore. I could easily say that it was a beautiful song but that it was just written for that last tour and not to sustain my rough moments. I could easily say that the sheer amount of love that was poured out on me after my dad died by fans around the country was for then and that I have them in a memory box. But I don’t. I still listen to the songs. I still have the presents that were made for me attached to my refrigerator (magnets, drawings, letters) and I still read fan mail and try to remember to be good enough to respond to it somehow (though sometimes I just suck at that). I keep everything. And it all means so much to me. You all mean so much to me.
Hear-in lies the rub. I am struggling with some artistic discouragement right now. I am fully aware of how many radars I have just jumped off of because I haven’t released a record in a while. I want to hear from you guys… What would you like from me (besides a new record, which I am in the process of recording now but it might take a while). What can I do for you? Facebook me. Email me. Leave a comment. I would really like to hear from you and I will really do my best. Do you have any ideas? I’m trying to get out to your cities… but let me know what cities you live in now. A ton of you have moved. There’s always Olympia and Portland and Fresno and and and… where else? Let me know and I will make it my GOAL to visit you in 2011.
I love you all so much.