Why Do We Have To Learn To Believe Ourselves?

Archive:  October 19, 2010
I need to start this post off my saying that I have dear and wonderful friends and that the people involved in this challenge are some of my most dear and most wonderful.  I spent today with a large majority of this group (as I did yesterday as well), eating a sandwich at Mitchell’s Deli with Jacob, watching Kelly work on corset patterns for her new line of corsetry that she is about to post on Etsy, Audra came over to Kelly’s and we talked and talked and really were a part of each other’s lives, Kelly’s husband, David brought caramel apples into our meeting (which had also been dipped in white chocolate and a cinnamon & sugar mixture – HOLY CRAP!)


As many of you know, I have been going through a book called The Artist’s Way with Kelly and Audra.  It’s been an incredible journey over the last 6 months culminating today in a new understanding.  I don’t trust my instincts enough.  As we walked through the book, through the flood, and through the various other emergencies that were coming up we each began to unfold in new ways.  To trust ourselves more.  To trust our own choices more deeply and to trust our own instincts more completely.

But as I began to start the process of getting websites ready for the oncoming onslaught of booking (and I HATE booking tours.  It’s my least favorite thing in the world.  I never feel more fragmented than when I am booking a tour.  It’s just too far into the left hemisphere of my brain and I begin to feel robotic.  Often like the very computer I am working on.  Rushing too quickly through too many websites and using too many various formats for collecting and keeping information.  I am convinced that the human brain was not meant to work this way) fear began to creep in.

The last year, has been for the most part, a journey toward learning more about myself and getting ready for the next season.  Whatever that means.  As I began to really feel the insecurity of my own artistic failings I began to see that I was not trusting my instincts.  Do I believe I’m supposed to be on this tour?  ABSOLUTELY.   Do I feel resolute within myself that this is the right direction?  TOTALLY.  Am I listening to that STILL SMALL VOICE?  I know that I am.  As a matter of fact I have re-routed the whole thing because something didn’t feel quite right and I cut the northwest leg off the endeavor to save for next spring.  Sorry Portland, Olympia, and Seattle.  But I plan to see you VERY SOON.

I am looking forward to the next tour.  I am looking forward to seeing all of you.  I am looking forward to making new friends.  I know that I need to be on tour more because that is where I more distinctly see myself as I truly am.

Tomorrow… I think I will speak of the subject of false naming.  But for today… I am just going to focus on rebuilding my myspace.com/katjones website – It should be up within the hour.  New songs up.  I’m going to stream the last e.p. there and dream of a world where websites and myspace pages, and facebook pages, don’t exist.

Feel free to bypass me in this process and email Suzanne Greenhill at greenhillpromotions@gmail.com .  I would be more than happy if you did that 🙂

Goodnight everyone!!!

Kat Jones